Funerals in the East

Funerals in Soviet Russia same as birthday or weddings time to time have comic or even tragic-comic forms. It was sometime difficult to stop smiling when I saw the funeral procession blocking main state importance road Grodno-Wolkowysk AD 1990 more than 15 minute, just because in local village no one driver had strength to cross along the procession. You may think it was kind of respect, no not at all, it was fear and prejudice, same like with black cat on the road or lady with empty water container...

Troyan hourse

Same prejudice had tragical effect in 1995. Hundreds of Moslem partisans from Chechen Republic came into Russia to the city Budyonovsk hidden in so called "transportation 200"means: death soldiers. Nobody was trying to look inside woodden sarcophags. They were crossing dosen of control points without any problem. Soldiers and police made them pen doors.

During 10 years of activities in Russia I was never able to convince parishioners to take someone's body into the chapel to have funeral mass there in presence of other parishioners, and to go on cemetery together. The most catholic families in Russia make last prayer home and ...hurry to cemetery, because all the public is impatiently waiting the "most important" moment after the burial: the funeral party!

I am calling this way because in fact most of people enjoy that time drinking much vodka and eating same amount of food like on weddings.

Many time people do not invite priest on funeral, they just come with small envelope containing sand from the grave asking to "put the stamp", means to pray on that sand and bless with holly water. It is Orthodox custom, their priests never go on cemetery, they just bless the sand and people go to put that blessed envelope to bring on the grave.

Funeral fork

Once I was on the burial of German lady Irma in "stanitsa" Kushchovskaya. There was big consternation. The people never were seeing before Catholic priest on funeral, most of them were never seen catholic priest at all. The people were surprised first that I was going with all the people on cemetery, the second consternation happened during the funeral party. I was the first time in my life on such a Russian style funeral party. They served good food, but they did not give any fork and people were eating everything using spoons. I was visiting that family before so I was sure they have many fork and without any bad intention I asked the fork. In the room I realized big silence and attention of all the people was on me seeing me using the fork on funeral day. They explained me later that it is again one of local prejudices, that party have to be nice, but one difficulty, people eat without forks to not risk the "devils coming"

There were also other small misunderstandings. People were asking me how to put the body in the grave. I know, for local people it is important to know that Catholics put cross in head of death person, orthodox in legs. Because there were orthodox people present and family was mix, I was feeling big discomfort in the middle of these two camps, I advised them to turn the body different direction to satisfy catholic custom and to put cross same line like others in the neighbor.

Also, before eating nobody prays. I stopped the people proposing short prayer and blessing of the food.

In that village people had topic to long discussions during all the year, but finally family was glad and all the rumors were having mostly positive sense.

After such difficult experience slowly I understood why Orthodox priests has no wish to participate funerals, they will have too much to criticize in customs of own nation, they perhaps prefer to keeps silence than to have difficult fight with unknown result.

Myself also in the future avoided participate these pagan parties. I just saw so many times people dressed in black with tears in eyes, but completely drunk. I was sure without asking, that these people were participating in funerals.

The only difference with wedding party, except forks is perhaps the color of dressing and lack of dancing, all the rest is the same.

In local tradition we have very special custom of "provody" in Russian it means "to go with small soldiers to greet him in his road to army".

In Russian Empire times obligatory service in Russian Army was 25 years and many times such a soldier was never coming back home. In Soviet times, I believe every second soldier was going on the war without any chance to come back, even later after the war when service was 3 or 5 years in Stalin times going to the Army was very painful story for all the village or settlement in the city, so Russians until now organize "provody", for their little soldiers with such a big party as on funeral or wedding and the atmosphere on these alcoholic parties is ever the same. Russians were trained to find in tragedies some element of joy.

Cemetery Taxies

Funerals in Russia happen usually in the noon, obligatory during the week. It is impossible to organize funeral in weekends or long state fest ceremonies. No single office in cemetery or bus station is ready to help you. You have to find bus obligatory, because mostly cemeteries are far away from the center of the city even in villages it is good distance to walk.

All the settlement, the street or big part of the village is engaged in the event. If the family of death person did not organize big party they may be blamed in few generations, so they spend perhaps half a year salary, they loan the money to have nice funeral, means, nice party.

On the cemetery there are some people talking. They talk some official words, not very important messages; important is to talk high voice like in theatre. Sometime there are professional talkers, which do it, because they were paid. Same as so called "tomada" on weddings, paid to relax by joking during wedding ceremony. The close family have be in tears obligatory and cry have to be yelling style so that all the people may be sure, death person was beloved father or mother. People use long white towel which they put at the entrance of the cemetery, similar small towels people dress on the cross and on participants hands.

Priest and orchester

Tragi-comic was testament of one grand-ma in Sakhalin. She was native polish from Byelorussia and she wished that on her funeral have to be the KSYONZ (in polish priest) and ORCHESTER!

The family was simple and poor. They were never coming to the church; they even had no idea where "Ksyonz" may live. But they do the best that last mother's will may be satisfied. Perhaps it is also kind of prejudice.

I was also doing all the best to be serious during the ceremony. Ever such adventure gives some missionary opportunity to attract some of family members to visit the church again or invite the priest another time in more serious conditions.

I was ever trying to talk burial homilies the best possible, never mind what kind of people was present there. That time the number of drinker people was huge. It was for them very difficult to understand who am I and what I am doing. All the time orchestra was cutting my words in the middle of my talk.

Perhaps it is one of reasons that Korean Diaspora was not following any "European custom" concerning burials. They were telling me that soul have to lay in peace, no need to disturb them by many visits.

Some Japanese man Watanabe, stayed on Sakhalin even most of Japans were deported from the island in 1947. He fall in love to polish woman and stayed with her. In anniversary of death her Polish wife, came to our church and was asking many questions if possible to make exhumation her wife's body and make burial another place. He was unsatisfied that her burial is on the main street and too much people disturb her peace walking here and there.

Dressed birds

Another history from Sakhalin was story of some young policeman fathers. The boy was rather successful in fighting with local narcotic-mafia, but inexperienced so walking in the city without guards. Once he was killed in white day in some restaurant from Kalashnikovs automatic gun.

Most of soviet families have one or two babies, so if one dies it is none consoled loose. Both parents had high education. He was director of local psychiatric Hospital, she was also a doctor. They were working before in Afghanistan, so they saw many tragedies, but their personal tragedy was huge.

They invited me on their son's grave in the middle of snowy winter. I realized that on that far away place these days nobody make visits, but the snow was cleaned on all the road to cemetery and exclusively to that theirs sons grave! They have paid so big money to clean to road after typhoons just for one purpose: to have daily visits on his grave.

I prayed as usually same prayers like during funeral ceremony, even made small homily. Later both parents gave me butter breads and drink vodka, Janina, mother of death policeman had also special food for birds which were waiting her voice calling them, they were sitting on her hands eating happy. She dressed them to do so perhaps all these five years after her son passing and even call these wild birds by name.

I understood why Russian people ever took much food going to cemetery, rather more than they are able to eat themselves. Homeless and animals were ever happy visitors of cemeteries in Russia.

Sarcophag behind the roof

Sarcophagus has to be opened during all the funeral ceremonies in Russia. The same happens in home, in the bus and also in cemetery. Ceremony has 3 top points: home, in the garden and near the grave. It is kind of political fest or soviet meeting. Everybody have to see the face of death man. Only the face, the rest of the body is hidden under white syndrome up to the neck. Before closing sarcophagus also the face have to be hidden. On the head relatives put piece of paper with some inscription in old Cyrillic.

Everything rather exotic, sarcophagus (sorry for calling this way) is also very simple from the worse kind of wood, just draped in nice red color material outside and white inside.

Pillow is full of wooden rubbish. Cross have to be big with the second crossing detail as additional horn specific symbol of Russian orthodoxy. Many Catholics do not mind or have intention to not be recognized as different as others and take this "horned Cross".

In procession people do not care if the funeral bus is clean or not, in the village it may be simple farmers' tractor with opened vehicle for transporting vegetables bricks or coal.

Sometime the driver agrees to participate in funerals in free time between transporting these goods. Just being friend of family or paid with one bottle of vodka in such unique case.

Self made sarcophagus poor people take for many years in their houses in some secret places fro example behind the roof, in case they may urgently die. I was told about that in one Ukrainian family in Makeevka.

Cemetery evangelization

Without having Russian ritual books I was improvising some prayers like rosary or chaplet of Merciful Jesus. During putting sarcophagus to the grave I was singing ever Litany to all the saints.

Sometime also Lent Songs as "Sorrowful cry of soul" typical polish prayer translated on Russian. It was helping me to change the atmosphere during funeral ceremony full of unusual talks about politics or family rumors. I does big efforts to make funeral much more sacral event that I observed.

Pagan spirit after so many years without practicing religion is still strong in these celebrations. It happened that funeral became the very first occasion to meet priest.

I was encouraging people to visit church in these "fatal for orthodox people days" as 9-th and 40-th after death when they are accustomed to come back on cemetery with food candles and vodka. Some of participant agree me and came to pray these days. Some of them as result of closer relationship these days became my parishioners. It happened for example in stanitsa Kagalnitskaya, that after burial of famous woman, "aunt Agatha Strauss" in German village I got new outstation which I visited weekly. First was burial but after celebrating her funeral, followed invitation, to prepare children to the First Communion, church weddings and baptisms.

Epilogue

Life in Russia has law price.

When somebody dies there are many tears but most of them artificial, as part of the show. Spectacle finishes and the tears disappear fast. I was never seeing the people celebrating someone's death by dressing in black all the year like in Poland people do after loosing close relative.

Memory about such person disappear in so many additional activities concerning organizing the memorial party etc.

I realized that someone's death has social meaning as the way of enjoying mostly sad nowadays. Rather more than metaphysical event or simple tragedy.

As result of so many wars, abortions, alcoholism many small towns and villages disappear, especially in Siberia but also in miners' settlements of East Ukraine.

The self defending instincts do not act. The people die with singing on their lips.

Politicians and scientists if they have a bit of patriotic feeling call alarming society, but their voice may be popularized only in case of good political circumstances.

Perhaps it is not surprise that same time Mr. Yushchenko and Putin proposed to give big money to all the ladies who will have more than one baby.

Many people are happy being rulers of such a dying country. People old and sick it is very obedient and silent instrument of politic arrogant and cynics. Small fragmentary families with one or none baby also give us small hope to change the picture.

Post-soviet society, in my opinion, it is a real example of: "civilization of the death" or" death civilization". I got sometime sad impression that my role as priest in these countries may be just in preparing "the rest of Israel" to have more less religious burials" means passing in dignity: with last confession, unction, communion, make last funerals, to put the light out and from empty Soviet Empire...go back home!

F. Jaroslaw Wisniewski

Donbass - Ukraina