College memories

My staying in Opole happened short time after my grand mother's Jadwiga death. It came back to me melancholia of cemeteries...I trained collecting peaces of necrologies hanging at entrance of churches. I was visiting cemeteries without reason and same feeling was when I visiting churches or chapels. Far from home and relatives I got feeling of deep spiritual and physical hunger...

1. Marcin Swietlicki

This boy from Piaski near Lublin became 100% Krakow citizen, poet. By Providence we met each other in the same room during entering exams to Krakow University. He just finished first course of Polish Language, but he cannot pass some exams because, he spent all the time caring his girlfriend Barbara sick on sclerosis multiplex. It was very strange and difficult love...full of sacrifice. Everything what Marcin was doing and talking about was imposing me.

He was passing again entering exams on new established movie section on Polish Language studies...he had good preparation and strong will to pass exams so he does. I was just hearing his legends about Krakow and about local youth customs. We were comparing our literature taste. He was encouraging me to read some new Poland poets as Bursa, Waniek and some Kashubian poet which name I did not remember, but in Marcin's opinion he has to become the best star on polish literature theatre.

We also were talking about Edie Stachura poetries, most actual event in polish youth camp. He showed me the most cheep and tasty restaurants in the city. I liked to eat "Breton sauce"; I wished much to try it again some day.

He was smoking much during talking and I was just observing the way he is doing that. In a half year we met each other, and finally I got temptation to smoke together.

These days students in all the Poland were playing games with spiritualism and Marcin explained me how to do this. He talked that the spirit of Joseph Pilsudski is very easily coming during these séances.

In spring 1983 I was trying to prepare my documents to pas exams again in Krakow. I came to ask his advice what I have to do to be successful. During my meeting with classmate Urszula Gorecka, from Wloclawek Lyceum, I met in her room some girl which I wish to marry just the very moment I met her. I talked much with Urszula, talked much to Marcin. They were explaining me that such a thing the man do not realize in one day, but I was unable to hear them. Iwona, born In Silesian Gliwice, was educated by sisters of Immaculate in their Lyceum close to Warsaw, her mother was gone to Sweden, I know nothing about her father, only thing I know she was under grand-mothers care and her behavior was strange for everybody. She was too much religious, criticizing any immorality in Student House. These times in fact, these houses in some cases were similar to bordellos.

Iwona and I at first we were same feeling so she agree, that I have to inform my family first, and later to come with ready documents for both: marriage and studies. I came back with delay and she wished not see me any more.

2. Brother Adrian

Why I delyed? I was too much happy. I was like drunken one trying to inform not only close family but also the classmates. One of Brodnica classmate was living in Zakliczyn, close to Krakow. It was Franciscan novice house.

I was told there are some youngsters whom I know. Miroslaw was hiding his decision until the last moment so it was full surprise when we got know about his new address. I do not remember how I got his adres and how I traveled to this forgotten town south east from Krakow, the fact is that I found the place, three classmate and very friendly superior.

There were giving me good food to eat and talking nicely to me about their life, they were really missing some person from real world. Being closed far away from home is not easy for youngsters so I was telling them all the news I got last moths from our homeland.

New name of Miroslaw was Adrian which also was surprising me. Later he studied in Krakow so I met him again and again during next visits. He talked to me about Kasia Leszczynska, another classmate in Classical Languages Philology studies. On Polish Language were still Urszula and Dorota Szafranska. During many years I had friends and classmates in Kings City Krakow.

3. Zawkrze in Opole

Close to Opole I had another classmate from elementary school. His name was Mietek Komorowski. He was visiting me in my home just before I gone to Krakow in my studies business. He was inviting me so strongly that after being kicked out by Iwona and I was sitting on the station without an idea what to do, I saw in the desk the message about the train going to Opole.

I just remembered that he lives in Zawkrze in some workers hotel in some firm building houses. It was still spring 1983-th the best moment to decide something about my studies. All the documents were with me, the most favor studies and easy to pass exams Iwona was supposed to advice me but now, without advisers have to decide myself.

Mietek was just assisting me as good friend looking for address of local Pedagogical Institute. I came in weekend so the secretariat was closed. Sunday we spent in city Ozimek, where Mietek's older brother got marry with organist daughter. They took me to the church on Sunday Mass which I attended first in old German settlement. It was amazing me that old generation during the polish Mass were still praying in German from their old prayer books from war times.

It was real lesson of history. Organists' daughter showed me also old songbook which she was able to use and sing. It was really fascinating, because it was forbidden to know or talk in soviet Poland that we still have German minority in south. We just were trained to believe that it is Germanized by force in the past 100% Slavic population.

Being there, together with loving and interesting people finally I got peace and convince, that this place will be the best for my future.

In half a year I was 100% Silesian citizen, with student index and permanent staying in Student House. My poor mother was so happy.

4. Yeti and other friends in Student House...

The first year students ever have problems. My problem was 7-th November. As student of Russian Philology I was obliged to organize some small spectacle. Our classmate girls were preparing Russian songs; I was surprised that some of them are rather good and familiar to me. I promised to help drawing decoration and as actor in revolutionary sketch I was telling one word like Jews in face of Pilat "to kill, to kill"!

Decoration has to represent Aurora boat, so my friend Darek Kownacki looking on my efforts in Student House, he advised me to draw except the boat also small bottle with a man inside. On the bottle's envelope was inscription: "Jonas". Darek had ever satiric inspirations and I followed them without thinking. It was like sabotage, but nobody was punished and people liked very much our decoration

I was living in the 310 room of Student House "Mrowisko", another boy Janik, was also my classmate, Darek was fro Polish Philology so he came to our room by mistake, but he liked us and wished no to move another place. I was changing letters with him during all my studies in Bialystok as Seminarian.

Another good friend, I may tell relative from Mrowisko was a boy, which as programmer was working free in Student Radio.

He had no job so he survived just thanks to other students eating very poor food and looking really as Yeti. He was small but he had long hippie hairs and beard. He spent much weekends in my room when Janik and Darek were gone to their homes near in Silesia.

He talked to me all the legends of Opole and our Student House, same as Marcin Swietlicki in Krakow.

5. Mala Wies and Bakow

In Opole were studying also two boys from the neighbor of Plock. Their town was Mala Wies, similar size as Skrwilno and perhaps some 70 km from my native village. The most industry in their place was sugar enterprise.

I was looking curious on one of them from the beginning. He had same style hairs as Yeti and he was singing nicely.

Both of them were studying Chemistry but both without special interest. They choose this topic just because the list of candidates was small and easy to pass exam. It was manipulation for many youngsters which wished to study anything just to avoid Military Service. These days it was really crazy story. The world was full of rumors about suicides in Army, crazy officers. It was something like concentration camp in our opinion, so some youngsters were ready even to go in Seminary better than to stay in Army.

The second one was Grzes Szymanski, the boy from same village. Later I got to know that his mother is native from Skrwilno and his father native from Bydgoszcz and he was German.

The third one in their room 151 was Silesian boy Grzes Fratczak from Bakow, close to Kluczbork. I got to know also this village and their amazing black wooden church from middle ages. I got so friendly with them so that during the week I was spending more time with them than in my room.

I got to know also popular polish singer Gintrowski, which was idol of students in all the Poland these days because of his underground political poetries. He was forbidden to sing in public, but students accepted him with double enthusiasm. I met him thanks to Yeti during Radio interview.

6. "Native" Przemysl

To the flat 151 by case came three young refugees. Two of them were teenager couple somewhere from Warsaw and local hippie Ewa with them. They were in fear telling that they need help because police is looking for them.

We does it and they were much thankful to us, they were telling that many such children escape from home to see Salezian fr. Szpak in Przemysl, which have meetings for them.

I followed their advice and my friends also. All of us were visiting Przemysl. I do many useful observations.

To Andrew come hippies from all over the Poland. Some time 20 sometime 100 regularly in weekends. He ever had time for them, something to eat (eggs for free in Honorat sisters monastery), eve the roof under heads. It was small room of Mrs. Stanislawa. I believe she was a hidden nun. I was also sleeping there on the floor.

After that meeting I took some insects in my long hairs (in that time I was same style as Yeti or Krzys). Darek Kownacki, cut all of them just one piece of hers he left on the top of my had, to make fan. I agree with him to keep that small peace.

Returning back I was alone, because I wished to look on the mountains. So I took bus and gone to Bieszczady (Polish side of Carpathian Mountains) crossing old Ukrainian settlements now empty. I saw town Dynow, city Brzozowa, Krosno and monastery of sister Clarysians nuns in Stary Sacz. They gave me some food, when I got hungry.

Polish Galicia, with beautiful landscapes and nice gothic churches gave me impression of my native Rypin with his Holly Trinity church. I may call these places native Przemysl also because Grzes from Mala Wies married here Bozenka, another student from Opole and stayed for ever. He has 4 children now and is working on the border as officer in customs office.

7. Szklarska Poreba

In the fifth class of elementary school from working place my mother got opportunity make an excursion to Beskidy, means Sudety Mountains. We were traveling together, all the workers, mother and me. I was the only child in the group. I saw these days so called "Table Mountains" first time in my life.

After some two or three years we got delegation to go again for winter vacasions, some children from same working place. We were traveling with driver from Skrwilno, who spent with us the night in Opole, just the same student House which I got later as permanent place to live as a student.

I may tell you, it was some providence guiding me to these places from my childhood. As a student I gone to these mountains with all the classmates and the class teacher (in pedagogical studies still were existing responsible professors), to consolidate the group walking in the mountains. I was these days one of the worst students but professor took me with some hope to attract me to do efforts. I was smoking the most cheep Vietnamese cigarettes and I was eating almost nothing, like other boys from 151 room.

Darek Kownacki after returning from home in Sundays was inviting me to eat something by words: "Come in Stiopka (they was calling me Stiopka or Rasputin during my studies in Opole), come in and do the pleasure for me and for yourself: eat something"!

It was the first snow time, but I had none winter dressing on me, so I was the slowest one of all the group risking that I may be lost in the mountains. When we got the top and some house for tourists I had no money to buy something to eat. In the night I came by secret to eating room and realized that the last group did not clean the dishes after eating and there was still much food on them. Looking on movies I saw sometime the people trying to express hungry man and I ever smile because the actors mostly have no experience of hunger and look very funny. Hungry man is not fast eating. He has no power to be fast. Secondly he is so attentive to his food that he tries to be slow tasting the small peace he has from Providence. If I was hurry that night just maybe because afraid that somebody may come and smile from little thief who clean the dishes in the night alone.

Yes I was hungry like animal, not like human so perhaps I was also funny like these poor actors in the movies.

Such was the student time. Not only for myself in soviet Poland.

8. Wroclaw

Wroclaw, in German Breslau, same as Opole these days was a part of my observations in East Prussian cities. I mean the lack of dismissed Germans which have built so many nice houses streets, train stations, bridges and enterprises and polish people came without being sure that it may belong to them forever has not made proper use from such a forced gift from Soviet Union.

Even the only peaces of highways were not in Warsaw but in inherited parts of land in former German territory near Wroclaw and Legnica. I am not defending any side or blaming for such decisions. I just realize my feelings looking on all these old constructions staying decades without reparations, remembering about war time.

The similar story like in Prussia happened here to abandoned cemeteries. You may still find big empty artificial squares just in the center of main cities. Such is still memory about aircraft bombings.

Local churches because in Silesia ever Catholics were in majority, were returned to our hands, but also I realized strange thing. I met Old Catholic cathedrals in Wroclaw given by state to Orthodox or to Greek Catholics or even Polish Catholics (some separated from Vatican small religious minority created after Vatican I Council especially in USA implanted to Poland and supported artificially by communist rulers against traditional Roman church especially in "new territories").

Krzys Lewandowski from Mala Wies, which we were calling Lion (because of his grate hairs), decided to move to Wroclaw and pass exams to some Institute. There was small concourse competition on exams and big chance to be successful passing them. I got his idea and because I liked picturing I was thinking to try my forces on Picture Academy

I had not so big desire to become student back as in previous years. From Wroclaw I came back to Opole, I too documents from my Institute and bring them to Katowice as candidate to Roman Languages Philology.

During my travel I was looking on industrial landscape of Miners Country, happy of my decision to move here.

I was dressed in some coat which Grzes from Bakowo gifted me. Some lady sitting near me was making strange face looking on me and finally I realized that because of traveling so much I have to smell as simple homeless man or begger. I was not so much different in my heart from this kind of people these days. It is why I just smiled in heard from the lady who was suffering so much in presence of poor boy.

I tried to remember all my successful past in French studies in Brodnica and in Wloclawek hoping that I may again start new experience. I was passing my exams in Sosnowiec, because around Katowice we have perhaps 10 cities agglomeration which form one 3 million agglomeration. University of Katowice has its Faculties in all of them.

The time of exams I spent like in Krakow, just walking on the streets and hearing legends about the place. There was no Yeti and no Marcin Swietlicki to tell me all the legends, but my imagination was very rich so I was hearing the streets, churches and houses talking to me their history. I even met one old gentlemen sitting alone and we got long discussion in which he described to me all his life, even his first love adventure in very far history.

I also was looking still opportunity to see my first historical love which native house was somewhere here.

9. Gliwice, Grzegorza Piramowicza Street...

Same as address of Mietek in Opole, I remembered without notebook, I remembered also by memory address in Gliwice of Iwona. To be sure I came to the library and asked if student Iwona, such and such address is visiting here. I was told yes.

During passing exams I was knocking her door many times, for her it was vacation time so I was sure I may met her. Once some old man opened the door and explained smiling that she is absent and may come back later. I realized it was her grand0father. When I loosed hope to met her finally I saw her in movie theater with grand-mother. I was trying to come and greet her, but first I was hearing some stupid comment in my address and I loosed wish to see her or talk to her for almost all my life.

It was Piramowicza Street. I remember because she became also my relative and close person in memory. I cannot forget her and perhaps I still love her even so many years past.

This week I saw also city Bedzin and some other places in so called Red Bassein. I became peaceful and humble waiting what Providence may prepare for me as my final destination in my life.

10. Ostroleka i Olecko

The City Ostroleka, same as Wloclawek in 70-ties became capital of small Prefecture, but was rather less interesting place than Wloclawek. Most imposing is in the local landscape picturesque river Narew.

Ostroleka is also pretending to a title of traditional Kurpian Land. Same pretensions to be a capital has big Lomza, another city on river Narew and two small settlements in the north Myszyniec and Kadzidlo. These two places even they are very small, they are very interesting by their wooden constructions. They look like living scansens.

Similar impression gave me in my childhood Mazovian city Zuromin and later kurpian cities Ostrow Mazowiecka and Zambrow which I visited just to got a bit "of worm" from local landscape.

My study ambitions were lower and lower, now I was thinking like other boys, what I have to do to avoid military service. Telling the truth it also less and less feared me.

Perspective of suffering in the Army was not so horrible comparing with my actual suffers of permanent homeless voyager. I became similar as my grand-father Czeslaw looking for some place to stay and something to eat.

It was a life of blind man who cannot see the road...my conscience was telling me that it is the time to help my mother in her difficulties; my behavior of parasite was also not good for my younger brothers' and for my sister.

In Ostroleka, exactly in Przasnysz, the city on my way to Ostroleka, I got back my faith looking with fascination on the group of people praying just on the street behind some casual picture or icon which appeared by reflexes of sun on the window of local underground Public House.

I was in Ostroleka perhaps two months, the same in the city Olecko, both cases as a student of local Pedagogical College. It was just enough to make heat in my heart.

Olecko in East Prussian Mazury, was known by similar supernatural place. In case of Olecko, people were visiting so called bleeding cross by the church. Seeing the second place I got strong wish to confess me. I have had General Confession in Ostroleka, after Przasnysz story, but here the taste in cleaning my spirit came back as typhoon wave.

After seeing the cross I made the second general confession in the East Prussian city Elk, and come back home with decision to wait for Providence. I did not return to College any more, I just stayed with my mother and pictured my flat with frescos which had some religious sense. My brother told me that it is not easy to sleep in such a room, like in sarcophagus.

I was thinking that "invitation" to go in Army, have to come fast and I was just waiting.

11. Lebork

The city Lebork in Pomerania like all the rest of Kashub cities was known to me from history books and summer vacasions. We were twice with my sister in close Wejherowo city. Wejherowo and Lebork were for different sides of Polish and German borders before II World War, but climate and Baltic landscape was similar both places.

It may sound strange, but living on Sakhalin I was comparing local landscapes with Baltic ones I keep ever in memory from that times.

In Lebork I came blank, without a single hair on my had and without any plan in my brain. Plan was hanging in the air. I just told my colleagues in the very beginning when they asked why I came this way, that I can stay in army but I have no intention to take the gun or shut., because we may be used shutting to striking workers as it was before.

My words rapidly were known in command of local Army point. I was introduced to some high officer to repeat my words publicly. Such spectacle was funny for me, but I got feeling that I am not the only one, that there are more people doing this and I got deep feeling of being on right way.

I was arrested, it was also curious for me. Everything I knew from movies about sheriffs and their victims now I had in real life. The food was good, only because I was in some cave in the spring time was to cold for me.

After 4 days when I made my decision in written way I was escorted to Gdynia, to have talks with some secret service workers which were trying to find out if I am a member of serious movement or am I alone, perhaps psychologically sick man.

They took decision to send me on observation. It was in city Sopot. My doctor Magiera was very kind and even promised to help because in his opinion in my biography there are some moments which may make my words and decisions inadequate. I helped his decision by collecting medicines. In such hospitals sick people usually do not eat psychotrops but only make image to eating them. Later they go to toilet and put out. One of such strong psychotrops used by polish draggers is Mirenin. I got about 40 drugs and eat half of them. I was looking like suicide and I also was wishing to make spectacle similar like my classmate during students' strikes in Brodnica. Result was good. I was without conscience about 1 day and 1 night. Few days I was weak, but I got document telling that in these days I am unable to stay in Army and there is no reason to punish me.

I was moved from hospital to civil arrest and after one month on the trial I got freedom. All my Army history was from April until August and never come back.

12. Gdansk, Kurkowa Street

This way famous Gdansk of Polish Strikes in 1980 became my next home. Summer 1985 was also very hot. I met in prison very different kind of people. Same time and same place were sitting "famous political prisoners" like Szeremietiew, Frasyniuk and some others. I was seeing them on their personal walking. All the rest has promenades in group, they were separated. Each prisoner here was called thief even he had other crime like killing or ripping. All of us even politicians we were just simple thieves. Security was called "claviers". Everything had here new name, all the language was bit different that language in freedom. That language of thieves was called "gryps" we were not talking but "grypsing".

I saw many kind of prisoners even in my room. Sometime I was sitting with more less nice people talking to me kindly trying to hear from me consolation or even trying to console me. I was bit suspicious with such a people knowing that country is full of secret collaborators. Sometime people was behaving more "natural way", mean like the thief have to behave being in fear of punishment and hate to "claviers".

I remember a boy who was supposed to be a killer but during robbing he killed without intention to kill. The lawyers do not agree his version and were preparing strong verdict. To protest against such verdict he put needles inside his eyes and according other prisoners he will became blind in few months. In such cases polish lawyers make small judgment. The person became blind but free. I understood deeply what the price of freedom may be.

Another on was a man who escaped about 13 times from different prisons especially during staying in hospitals. He was really bad health and once even he had some operation on heart. Just after that he disappeared from local hospital. It was his personal story and I do not know if he was telling truth or exaggerating. He had a peace of paper telling about some of his refugees so perhaps it was truth.

Another old man was in prison because of some mistakes he made as book keeper. As a boy he was in Norylsk as old man he came back to soviet prison without serious excuse. He was really sad.

I met also soldiers which came to prison as hooligans after beating somebody being drunk. Nobody was aggressive with me, I was talking what happen to me and they were telling their histories. I had much time to read and draw and my personal perspective of prison was not so sad as to others. I was doing my best to use that time to make useful observations. It was of course very insulting to live in toilet, because in fact our room was opened toilet. When somebody used the toilet the other have to see him naked.

I liked food in prison. It was daily vegetable soup, ever the same black bread and whit coffee.

I was in civil arrest but all the time I was dressed as commandos from blue beret and heavy shoes. Somebody told me that I am looking like real bandit. Perhaps it was why nobody touched me. New soldier dressing in summer heat became old.

After getting freedom I was supposed to give back all these dressings, but I liked them much and I gone just from prison on my way to Czestokhova, with other pilgrims from my native village. That year we were about 100 people.

Intercession of Saints

These days I did not understand any eschatology. I was unable to explain what is happening to me, proper way. But it was good intuition that as worse became my life, more and more my brain was calling the souls of close relatives...

I was calling my grand-mother, both uncles Johns, some unknown people souls which I tried to touch by praying for them and keeping peaces of their necrologies in my pockets. All of them were present in my soul, without deepening my melancholy but consoling and advising.

Some consolation I got also from brother Chmielowski, polish saint painter and member of insurrection 1863. I was calling his intercession being in Army and he came to me. I even remember his voice encouraging me to go on service of God. He advised me to go and to be His soldier.

It is why I decided to go in Czestokhova. That year during the travel was crazy rain and in the 5-th day we were just half of 5000 people which started in Plock.

Only after walking there I came back and gave all my soldier dressings to Lebork. It was good, to visit there and feel some official documents, because police was looking for me as deserter.

ks. Jaroslaw Wisniewski